


Forever Meant Nothing When We Had Nothing

by Janineindisguise



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Genre: Angst, Basically The Cruel Prince, Can't be slower, Child Abuse, Childhood Trauma, Drug Dealing, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Gang Violence, Graphic Description of Corpses, Gun Violence, Hate to Love, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Kylo/Ben Solo Pain Plane, Rey Pain Train, Slow Burn, This Is Sad, like really really sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-02-04 14:02:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Underage
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,451
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18606016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janineindisguise/pseuds/Janineindisguise
Summary: When Rey was 4, her parents were killed by Snoke, the leader of the powerful drug gang, First Order. Her life was spared and taken away to be trained as a F.O. apprentice. She wants to be free of his claws and revenge.Kylo Ren is the ‘son’ and also the best apprentice of Snoke, he’s been surrounded by crimes and violence since he had memories. He wants to be the future King, not just of F.O., but of the whole 'underworld'.Both of them are trained to be killers and drug dealers.She hates it.He wants to be the best.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Pardon my English, not a native speaker. Also this is my first fanfic EVER. So excited. 8 months before Episode IX release, I don't think I can wait, so here we go. I enjoy angsty dynamic between Reylo so much. I want to hear your advice on the story during this journey, (if I'll actually have someone put up with my English...), just comment or even better, Kudos~~~.

[2 am.]

“Mommy!? Daddy? Mo?…Mom..? ” Rey was woken by multiple deafening sounds and started to cry loud in absolute horror. She waited for a few minutes, but there was just silence.

There were no familiar voices and reassuring footsteps coming from her parents’ bedroom, which usually would follow right after her first calling out.

No matter what, when, where and how.

But there was just dead silence.

Then she tried to crawl out of her tiny bed slowly, still crying. Right before her feet fell to the floor, she was held up by two hands from behind. She knew they weren’t her parents’ hands, the grabbing force is remote from loving. She screamed her lungs out and tried to squirm out of the hands.

“Mommy!I want mommy !!” Rey continued to scream and cry.

“Now, behave!!” the woman seemed to lose her patience, the clutch tightened, but that frightened Rey even more, she stretched her hands out hopelessly as if her mommy could come to save her. 

“You just won't listen.” The woman said in a annoyance. Then she placed a hand on Rey’s mouth to silence her, quickly taking her out of the house.

The woman was tall and her steps were wide, but not fast enough.

When they past her parents’ room, the door was ajar. Still struggling in the grip, but Rey saw her parents lying on the floor, her mother’s face covered in blood, her once beautiful eyes now lifeless reflecting the moonlight, her father facing down, blood sipping out of his back, white shirt dyed in dark red.

Her scream vibrated through the woman’s hand, but muffled into nothing. There was a car parking on the lawn. A boy got out of the car and opened the door for them quickly like he was well-trained. But he couldn't do his job perfectly tonight. The moment he saw that little miserable girl held in that formidable woman's hands, he forgot he wasn't supposed to get out of the car.

“Get the fuck back in” The woman demands angrily a few meters away before arriving at the backseat door.

The boy obeyed her order, moved in, one hand held the door open till the woman passed Rey to him. The boy took Rey in and put a hand on her mouth with no delay but far less strength.

Rey saw this new person through her blurry vision. He was not a grown-up, he looked like a big brother in the neighborhood, beautiful dark hair and brown eyes. Suddenly she was less afraid and gradually breathed more evenly. He looked at her with a knot between the brows.

 

 

The woman slammed the passenger seat door shut and gestured the driver to start off impatiently.

The boy noticed the girl became calmer and tried to put her in the seat beside him. But she cried out against his decision.

“Kylo! For fuck’s sake!!”

The boy held her up back on his laps. She was still crying and clumsily using her small hands to wipe the tears and runny nose.

“What are you going to do with her?”, resting her head on his strong chest, Rey heard the words coming from his body within.

“If I’m gonna do anything you are implying, I’d done it in that house. Maybe you and the other kids are going to like her. She seems alright, maybe she got the spirit, and we don’t waste that. Besides, it’s Snoke’s order. He wants Kenobi's offspring back, alive.” The woman said indifferently.

“We can do just well, why he needs a weak Kenobi? I don’t want-” The boy wanted to argue but didn’t finish because he saw Rey looked up suddenly, must heard that word, ‘Kenobi’.

Her eyes were still full of tears, street lamp light morphing fast on her glimmering cheeks.

The boy didn’t utter a word, just stared.

“Kylo, from now on, for First Order, things changed forever.” The woman looked into the dark night ahead and says calmly.

 

***

 

That was a mid-April night, Rey just became 4 for days.

Eleven-year-old Kylo let her fall asleep against his chest for the first time, her tears dried in his shirt.

When Rey woke up the next morning, her memories of the ‘past life’ started dwindling into her mother’s lifeless eyes, the blood on her father’s back and the yellowish street lamp light shifting quickly outside the car window, and the faint scent of that boy.

Her second life in the underworld begins.


	2. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey doesn’t cry the next morning. She’s afraid of everything still, because Maz keeps telling her ‘don’t trust anyone, they can’t be your firends’.
> 
>  
> 
> But a small part of her heart doesn’t believe those angry kids are all that bad, maybe she can make a friend or two. Maybe with that boy.  
>  
> 
> This naive hope shatters to pieces on this very first day.

Salty ocean scent flows in the air, blown into windows, filtered by flesh pink lace curtains.

It is a Spanish estate with numerous complexes on the west coast called _Supremacy_. The grand atrium has countless arches and lancet windows, the main part of the building integrated with creamy stucco plastered walls, layered flat roofs with terraces featured in red clay. The highest part and the north-east of atrium has a soaring cathedral pointed end with dense carvings.

Rey lives in another building at the southwestern side of the _Supremacy_ called _‘West Wind’_ in which all the ordinary staff rest, with a black woman, Maz, who’s one of the weapon storehouse mechanics and the only person here cares about her.

In the first month, all she could do was crying and yelling.

Maz has to tell her again and again that:

 

“you _can’t_ go back, this is your new home, be quiet, and be strong, my poor girl.”

 

She is too young to start the regular training, so in the day time, Maz gives Rey regular one-on-one schooling in their room and only consents to take her out of _West Wind_ , to breathe a little, or exercise on the beach when no one sees them. Maz is always with her. The idea that she is alone outside is horrifying.

She always puts Rey's honey lust hairs into three buns, leaving her natural slight curly earlocks loose. She sometimes thinks Rey is an angel who descends from the heaven to only make her feel like mother again, but it is wrong to think like that. At what cost? This little angel should've never been here.

Phasma, of whom Rey dreads deeply, comes and checks her ‘being’ twice a month, and asks Maz if she thinks Rey is ready for training. Maz would find all the excuses she can to delay that day.

Rey remembers. The night, her parents, the car, the street lamps. All of these begin to shuffle fast in her head whenever she sees this tall strong blonde.

 

Sometimes on the beach, sometimes on the wide stretch in front of cliff edge, Rey can see from her window, there are 7 kids of different ages, the youngest looks just one or two years older than her, the eldest seems to be about 16. They are learning martial arts and shooting. She found out the boy who brought her here with Phasma, is called Kylo, the one. He is the best among them, though he’s not the eldest. All the other kids look at him like ‘this is what people called born to be this good’. Sometimes those kids catch her watching, she’d sink down swiftly and doesn’t dare to peek again for the rest of the day.

 

 

“When can we go out today, Maz?” Rey asks Maz the minute she returns from her service. 

“Girl, today is your birthday, let’s check the sunset and have our dinner on the beach.” Maz knows how much she longs to breathe the air.

 

_________________________________________

 

Rey had already cried herself to sleep when she was brought in by Phasma that night. A few minutes later, Snoke ‘honored’ Maz by his visit to the room in person. 

Snoke sat in front of the bed and scrutinized Rey’s sleeping face for a while, “so this is the Kenobi girl?”

“Yes, sir” Phasma answered certainly.

“Good job, and I can expect a righteous Kenobi work for First Order in the future?” Snoke looked clearly satisfied.

“Yes, sir. She’ll begin her training as soon as possible”

“Don’t be ridiculous, she’s just a baby now,” Snoke turned to Maz with his disgusting fake sympathy, “I bet you still have some room in your heart for kids, right? Woman.”

Maz ground her teeth hard without showing it.

Maz came on board with a young boy when she was very young due to her husband’s drug debt to Snoke. He worked for Snoke ever since and their kid grew up to be Snoke’s apprentice. But they both died on a mission 3 years ago. Now Maz is 42, alone.

“Yes, sir” Maz answered.

“Good, I want this girl to be physically capable of our training less than a year, can you make that happen?”

“Yes, sir”

“Say that you’ll treat her like your own”

“I’ll treat her like my own”

“And you’ll keep her within the _Supremacy_ ”

“I’ll keep her within the _Supremacy_ ” She’ll die if she lets this girl out.

“You are the best mom in this estate. Now I shall be relieved.” Then he left.

After escorting Snoke out, Phasma returned and said, “you and I both know what did he mean, so stable her, I’ll check regularly.”

____________________________________________

 

“Today is my birthday? Today?!!Oh, I love you Aunt Maz!! You are the best, sunset is the best, beach is the best, I love sands!” Rey hugs the woman tightly. She doesn’t remember her birthday, she was too young in her first 4 years. She only remembered her last birthday. On that day her parents surprised her with gifts and a birthday cake in the morning, taking her to an amusement park.

It’s April 10th, from now on, she’ll remember.

“I love you too, my girl, today you’re turning 5.” And in a few more days, Rey’s been here for a year and she hasn’t started her training. At the thought of Snoke’s words, Maz shudders.

How can a girl start First Order training at such a young age? Maz doesn’t care about how young other kids might start theirs. It’s her Rey, she’ll never wants Rey to get into underworld business. Maz is desperate, because she doesn’t know how to stop it…

“But we have to do this really cautiously, or we’ll have trouble. Don’t forget what I told you, be-” Maz pats Rey’s head and pushes her slightly away to say it.

“Yes, yes, yes, beach is beautiful, but also dangerous. There are always bad guys sneaking around and those angry kids probably are training there.” Rey finishes Maz’s words like it is the 5353287th time she mentioned this.

“Don’t just repeat, you need to follow me closely.”

“I will! I am your shadow!!” Rey looks very serious.

“Okay, put the juice into that basket, let’s go”

Maz carries the basket containing their dinner, and a plaid cloth that later they’ll sit and dine on. She holds Rey’s hand with one of hers, looking around cautiously. They go to the door from where the route to the beach is the shortest. Exiting the West Wind, they take the path they’ve always taken when it comes to this kind of mission.

 

The most secure and seldom-treaded one to the beach on an open ground.

 

They sit down by a huge rock, facing the sunset on the ocean. At this time, the sun has lost its glare and looks like a giant orange. After dinner, the sun disappeared on the horizon completely, the wind starts to send them chills. But they decide to sit there for a few minutes longer. Rey lies her head on Maz’s belly, feeling warm and safe.

“Dear child, I don't know how to keep you by my side forever.”

“But we are just doing fine.” She sensed Maz's despair.

“Oh. I should’ve never talked about this. I’m sorry, today is your birthday. Let’s go back home” Maz presses a few kisses on Rey’s cheek then begins to clear their picnic sheet.

Rey doesn’t reply, her little mind tangled with too many thoughts.

 

 

On their way back to West Wind, Rey stops suddenly, “Those angry kids...”

“What about them?” Maz stops too, and squats down to face her on the same level.

“Do they still feel alone? They don’t, do they? They can’t be alone, they seem to meet each other everyday.” Rey can’t decide her opinion.

“I don’t know. I can’t say for them. But Rey I need you to know that you don’t want to trust anyone too soon or too easily, here.”

“But I trust you, Maz”

“Except me.”

“Will you get into trouble if I stay with you forever?” Rey asks sadly.

“No! Of course not! You don’t have to leave me if you don’t want to.” This is a lie. It's a vain resolution, she lost her son.

“I don’t want to leave you Maz.” Rey cuddled Maz’s face with her small hands.

“I know, I don’t want you to leave, either, my child.” Maz takes Rey into her tight hug.

 

 

When they open the door, Phasma has already sat in the plain sight in the middle of their room. As if expected this, Maz seems calm, “what do you want?”

Phasma is expressionless

Of course, it’s not what Phasma wants, it’s what Snoke wants, always him. Maz remains silent.

“Snoke wants her to be trained less than a year, you’d given your words, there’s no going back. Your death won’t keep that girl safe.”

Death? Rey is young, but she knows death, her mother’s lifeless eyes… She tightens her grip on Maz’s clothes.

“I knew, but…” Maz suddenly realizes Rey is still behind her legs, “Dear, go back to your room and close the door.”

“She’s not going anywhere.” Phasma demands.

“She is not strong enough for the training, please.” Maz knows that those apprentices can’t be good to Rey. They are all survivors and hunters. Rey will be their prey.

“She’s old enough, many started training younger than her age. She’s already an exception thanks to you. Training will teach her how to survive, not you. And First Order is not a charity house, she needs to prove herself not useless, or … you know it very well what would happen to her.” Maz is living her nightmare all over again, the one haunts her every night since her son died.

“Can she at least stay with me by the end of the day?” Maz hates how right Phasma is.

“Don’t push it, Maz. Maybe she can for now, but eventually she will _move_ to  _Supremacy_ like other apprentices.” Phasma doesn’t answer her question directly.

“I know, but for now? Please.” Maz voice sounds utterly hopeless.

Phasma doesn’t reply, just stare at the little silhouette behind Maz’s legs. Rey is too scared to breathe, squeezes her eyes shut. Will the woman who killed her parents let her stay with Maz?

“Training begins at 7 am sharp, training house No.3. Be prepared.” Phasma finally opens her mouth quickly and decides to leave, before stepping out the door, she adds the answer they are still waiting for, “for the next year she can stay with you.” Then she’s gone.

 

 

 

Rey doesn’t cry the next morning. She’s afraid of everything still, because Maz keeps telling her ‘don’t trust anyone, they can’t be your firends’.

 

But a small part of her heart doesn’t believe those angry kids can be all that bad, maybe she can make a friend or two. Maybe with that boy.

 

This naive hope shatters to pieces on this very first day.

 

Those angry kids turn out to be really that bad. Nobody talks to her, if someone does, they’d be mocking her. Two girls who looks only one or two-year older than her called Eila and Tam, they seem friendly and might want to introduce themselves, but were silenced merely by a stare from Bazine, a 12-year-old girl who has already looked like a vicious beauty wearing dark lipstick.

 

“That little creep decides to come after all” a light-blonde hair boy called Jace says to the tallest ginger boy, Hux, who looks very evil to Rey. Hux replies with a scoff and walks to her.

 

“No more peeking from now on, you freak.” He looks down at her.

 

Rey never heard the words like, “creep” or “freak” before, but she knows they mean no good. Her mind tells her they are elder, they scare people, it’s normal to be called like that, yet she is so angry.

 

“Got something to say?” Rey fails to notice when Bazine came over and stood beside Hux, arm crossed before chest.

 

Before Rey opens her mouth, the boy she thought she can certainly be friend with finally shows up. Catching Rey’s sight shifted, Bazine and Hux turn and find it’s Kylo. Kylo doesn’t even look at their way, he seems completely apathetic to his surrounding, whereas himself is the focus of others.

 

Bazine turns back, slaps Rey’s left cheek neat.

 

All of sudden, the whole room’s sounds are sucked out. Rey doesn’t register what happened until she felt the left cheek and ear begin to boil.

 

“You don’t get to look at him, bitch.” Everyone can hear Bazine’s word, including him.

 

Rey looks up to Bazine eyes, to prevent the tears drop by raising her head up higher.

 

“Are you staring at me right now?” Bazine feels incredulous and intends to raise her hand to strike again, but their coaches come into the room at this moment. Clearly unsatisfied, Bazine says without moving her lips, “lucky you,” then leaves with Hux and Jace who deem this is all fun.

 

Rey let out a breath, eyes can’t help flying to the boy Bazine referring to. He is busy with his training equipment, seeming to be unaware of this whole situation.

 

 

She’s never been this ashamed.

 

 

Shooting master called Pyre, martial arts master called Tierny. They both answer to Phasma. For a second Rey expected them to be loving and kind, yet, they proved her wrong.

 

Beginning with indoor martial arts training in the morning, Rey tumbles or be tripped by others, a lot. She hasn't had any proper physical training before. Nonetheless, Tierny always demands her stand on her feet right after her fall, or comes to drag her up from ground violently if she doesn't move fast, then forces her to continue.

Within an hour, Rey has got bruises everywhere on her limbs. It hurts. For so many times Rey wants to cry, but she can’t, not in front of them. They must be waiting for her breaking down. She won’t let them have it.

Even long before the first break in the morning, her body can’t stand it any longer. She collapsed on the ground. she can hear them laughing quietly and Tierny speaking loud that her lunch is cancelled and will get thrashed if she doesn’t get up soon.

But none of that matters, vision starts to blur, ears start to drone.

 

On this very first day, before she faints, she still hopes he’d come help her out, but when she looked at his direction, he just looked away impatiently and left.

The first person she thought she can be friend with, the night from her home to Supremacy, he surely felt like a brother from her neighborhood. She was asleep in his arms. She remembered all along since she’s arrived here.

 

He forgot her, maybe.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Actually, Rey was 3-year-old baby when she was taken to the F.O., but I want her to start the training sooner, so that she can interact with Kylo. Finally, she began her training at 5 instead of 4. Snoke is so evil... Phasma may ends up nicer?? it doesn't change the fact that she's the one killed Rey's parents, though it's her assignment demanded by Snoke. I love Bazine's look so much in TFA, she gotta be the pain in Rey's ass. And so many Resistance cameos hhhh. oh, Kylo is popular, he is a loner, but he is still popular. Okay.


	3. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What are you doing?” Her eyes shifting between them, refusing to fall upon Kylo’s hand on Rey’s wrist. “Are you saving her?”
> 
> A beat of three seconds. 
> 
> “Why would I?”

Rey regains her consciousness around lunch break. Under no circumstance can an apprentice leave the training places without permission, so Maz comes instead, and manages to smuggle something to feed her and check her bruises. 

 

“Oh, poor girl, what they’ve done to you…” When Maz hugs her, she finally allows herself to cry in silence, but she doesn’t indulge in this too long. They are still in the med room of training house, as she can feel the tension surrounding this whole area.

 

She can’t describe what’s changed within herself just this morning. But she changed, jumping out of her childhood all of sudden. The fear inside her is growing, accompanied with anger.

 

It’s strange, her voice is still babyish, but her realization sounds much older, “they are right, Maz. I’m too weak. I wish I could be stronger,”

 

Maz finds this unexpected but doesn’t miss the subtle change of Rey. “You will be, Rey." 

 

Rey steels up for a weak smile, wiping her face. “I guess I need to join them now.” 

 

“Okay.” Maz hugs her one more time. Tierny comes inside, “Time’s up.”

 

Rey nods, Maz doesn’t say a word but squeezes Rey’s hands to show her worries.  
 

 

   
Rey comes out of the med room with Tierny. Neeku and Jace whistle to her direction dramatically, Bazine and Hux looking entertained,Tam and Eila sitting not far from the group with a worried expression. Kylo is there too. Rey dares not to look at any of them, but she can feel his eyes on her. 

“Assemble. Mr. Pyre is waiting in the shooting hall. Now, move!! You, follow them.” Tierny turns to Rey.

 

 

The shooting hall is in the same building, B area, second floor. Bazine walks to Tam and Eila, must giving them a ‘no pep talk’ warn. Rey tries to slow her pace to create a distance from them. But Hux, Jace and Neeku are relentless.

 

“Hey, freak, shooting is fun, cheer up.” Jace pokes her head.

  
   
Rey remains silent out of fear. She is angry, too, hands fisting and eyes on the ground. She's not strong enough to act yet. Neeku is simulating her expression perfectly aside, Hux’s face reddens because of laughing, almost as red as his hair. 

 

“Awww, you must think she’s cute, Hux” Bazine teases. Hux exclaims, “I beg your pardon! She’s disgusting!” It only produces more delirious laugh. 

 

After the next turn, they enter the stairwells leading to the shooting hall. Their insults and laughter are echoing and amplified through the passage.

 

 

 

 

Rey looks up to see how many stairs left, accidentally finds Kylo, way ahead alone, already climbing the next floor, now is facing her and looking down at her. Rey can read the disgust in his eyes.

 

Or is it anger? Why? She breaks the eye contact before anyone can notice. Her heart is pounding. 

 

 

  
   
On a tacit code, as if everyone knows it better to be quiet once they enter the hall. But Rey actually feels more excited than she expected. Maybe shooting is a natural interest to her. She is amazed by the vast shooting hall. Taking up two thirds of the room, firing range is all glassed up with a dozen individual lanes and target section on the other end of the wall. There’s a man in all-yellow shooting coat with a pair of metal-framed glasses and a binder under his right arm. Pyre looks at them smilingly. “Why stop talking? Sounds so much fun there.” 

 

Everybody looks down, those boys fiddling their hands nervously, except Kylo, he didn’t say a word along the way, wisely, so no worries for him. 

 

“Come on! Share with me.” Pyre is definitely ten times worse than Tierny, he knows about how to torture students.

 

Pacing to and fro, Pyre examines everyone for a luxurious amount of time. Then he stops in front of Rey, “oh, our new girl, look at you, all these bruises, what’s your name?”

 

Rey hesitates to open her mouth, she is so nervous that her mind is about to go blank. “Well, what’s your name, kid?” Pyre asks again, taking his time.

 

“I’m Rey.” Rey speaks in front all of them for the first time today.

 

“So you are an _orphan_?” Pyre sounds unintentional. Some of them are suppressing a laugh.

 

“No!” Her voice is louder and angrier against her rationality. An absolute silence drops in this room, Rey reckons a storm is brewing.

 

“But you don’t give me your family name, when I ask your name, you give me your full name, we are not friends yet, are we?” Of course Pyre knows, he just thinks it is necessary and interesting to see how she would react.

 

“I’m Rey.. Kenobi.” She hasn’t uttered that word for a long time. Silence stretches again, the obvious power of that name has.

 

“Uh, Kenobi. You know, your father once nearly killed me. Nearly.” Rey knew her father was a police chief, but she didn’t care or understand his title.

 

Rey doesn’t know how to respond to that, but clearly that man is waiting for her to deliver something at least.

 

“I’m sorry, sir.”

 

“Nah, no need to say that,” Pyre waves his hand, like a person has a big heart, “did your dad teach you shooting?”

 

“I’m afraid no, sir.” Her eyes become hot and sore suddenly. 

 

Her father took her to amusement parks, watched cartoons with her, he squeezed time to spend with her and mom whenever he can. He was the funniest, wisest and coolest dad. The people around him respected him so much.

 

“No, now, I’m sorry for your dad. I have to be the one, instead of himself.” Then he speaks to others with a serious tone, “ Change your things, two rounds warm up, fixed target. I’ll check on the third, when I’m done with your new friend.”  
   
Rey follows the girls into the locker room, finds the locker newly labelled with her name and the training suit, much bigger than her size. Bazine just gives her a contemptuous laugh and leaves. Maybe Pyre doesn’t like them stalling. Tam and Eila eyes each other, finally decided to talk to Rey.

 

“I’m Eila, she’s Tam”

 

“We’re sorry, we can’t speak to you earlier.” The older one adds.

 

“It’s okay, I understand”, Rey smiles weakly. The relief of someone reaching out to her makes her want to cry instead. 

 

“We'd both been where you are before.” Tam tries to make Rey feel better about her current status by saying this disturbing fact.

 

“You are their new target now. Don’t fight back, you’ll get used to it. It’s just words.” Eila says with a genuine worrying tone. 

 

“Thanks.” Rey wish the day she gets used to all this come sooner.

 

“Don’t try to defy or provoke them. Especially Hux and Bazine. They are the eldest. They enjoy dominating” Tam warns.

 

Trying to sounds natural, Rey asks when the topic is still on the other kids, “Kylo... isn’t not that awful, is he?” 

 

“Are you kidding? He’s a monster!” Tam can’t believe Rey got that illusion, “normally, He does not join, but you don’t want to irritate him, nobody dares, including Hux and Bazine. He beat Hux into pulp once, the only person he’s afraid of is Sno- I don’t even want to say that name, and Phasma, maybe. Anyway, nobody messes with him.”

 

Not surprised about Kylo is the best one, but Rey didn’t expect the fear Kylo spreads among them. 

 

“And Bazine, definitely has a crush on him.”

 

“Eila! Really, who cares about that?” Tam rolls her eyes.

 

They go out first, leaving Rey behind to pretend that they never talked.   
 

 

 

  
Pyre gives Rey a pistol model, it is heavy for a 5 to hold up with straight arms and half squat stance. Trembling, she struggles to meet Pyre’s definition of a perfectly correct posture. What she hates most is Pyre using his hands to correct her, the touch pains her more than the sore, it feels like thousands of needles stitching into her skin. Only allowed to shift weight on her feet once, so it requires more than concentration or persistence to maintain the posture for an hour. Sweats trickling down her face, and without muffles, the sounds of gunshots piercing into her ear-drums, Rey tries not to faint so soon again. 

 

To her surprise, a new peace is gradually found in those gunshots. They are deafening like that night, like the knell strikes, she could channel back to the moment of her parents’ death. Sadness is so overwhelming that it numbs other feelings.

 

Pyre leaves to check on others, as they are reloading, adjusting their final stance for the third round. Rey was asked to practice the stance and aiming for the whole afternoon, and she’ll do this with the toy gun for a month before holding a real one. She doubts if Pyre is going to teach her anything or it is just his peculiar method.

 

When the training is finally over, Rey feels like her limbs actually belong to someone else. Luckily, Tierny’s night training is cancelled, changed into outdoor training before tomorrow’s dawn, which is a bummer to everyone, but not to Rey, at least she can have a break. They dismissed quickly. Rey stalls to be the last one to leave, afraid of what Bazine or others would do to her if they find her on the way back home.

 

Coming out of the locker room, there’s only an old man wearing a pair of black goggles, over 50, cleaning the hall and checking equipments. Having heard she walks this way, he turns around and gives her a big kind smile, “uh, there she is! Rey, isn’t it?”

 

“Yes, sir… But I don’t know you.” A bit alarmed

 

“Flix, Maz’s friend. She told me to have an eye on you, if you are here. You can come here practice, I live in here.” Flix leans against his mob pole, looking sharp.

 

“Thank you, sir, but is it allowed?” Maz’s name lowers her guard, but she doesn’t think Pyre will approve this idea.

 

“Oh, Pyre, yeah, that fat ass, he’ll never be here if it’s not for class. So don’t worry.” This sounds great, she truly smiles for the first time today.  
   
 

* * *

 

 

Rey ends up devouring her dinner, eating twice more than usual. Maz asks about her afternoon, Rey only tells her about Flix, Tam and Eila. She needs sleep, a good one, desperately. With food still in her mouth, she stumbles to bed and drifts off . 

 

The next morning, she can barely get out of bed by herself. Dreamless sleep heals her sore by releasing it up to most first. The dawn hasn’t cracked in yet, Maz prepared her a feast as breakfast in case Rey will be deprived of lunch again. 

 

They are asked to assemble at that stretch in front of the cliff, now Rey know its name, _Ahch-To_. Maz insists on accompanying her to there, as the whole area is still in darkness and shrouded by thick fog. The only thing they can see is the dim light coming out from _Supremacy_ ’s magnificent cathedral style roof, all the other lights are melted into warm yellowish mass. They stop before they get too close to the bright light set by Tierny for them to recognize assembling spot.

Maz straightens Rey’s sweat shirt and fastens her shoelaces again, “they do this to strengthen your senses and defensiveness under this kind of weather condition. Don’t go anywhere near the edge. Use your ears!” 

Rey nods resignedly, another long day.

“Alright, girl.” Maz hugs Rey one more time, then watching Rey resuming her walk to the light, disappeared.

 

  
   
   
There’s a carved map on a huge rock, showing the geographical outlines of _Supremacy_ area. _Ahch-To_ is on the west side of _Supremacy_ , the highest part of the coastal cliff in this area, with downward slopes on its north and south end leading to the beach. On the east or inner side of _Supremacy_ onward is a massive coniferous forest. Dawnbreaking training requires them to run around the whole area, starting from where they are now, coming back by noon with 3 small flags which are placed in 4 different locations, and the shortest cut to get them all _is_ to run around the _whole_ area. “One less flag, one more round. We can do this all day. I don’t care how you get it, I just count.” Then Tierny says.

 

Hux turns back and gives Rey a wink, the one you can directly see the ill omen behind it, and Bazine smiles at her wickedly as well. Kylo just stands next to them, looking ahead, the same disinterest he carries. 

Eila whispers to Rey: “Hide your flags, if you can get any. They either wait to take yours at the end or they take all the flags.”

“Don’t fight, it’s just 3 more rounds.” Tam adds.

“Wait-” Before Rey thoroughly understands what does that mean, Tierny already fired the gun.

Four rounds are definitely too much for Rey today.   
 

 

 

   
She forgets how long she hasn’t heard others’ footsteps, she must fall far behind long ago. Leaden legs are dragging her out of breath. Giving up her bearing, she just focuses on drawing up strength for every next step. Fog is still dense. No sunlight cracks in yet. Everything that can indicate direction is invisible. How is it possible to find the flags? She may pass one already. It seems to take forever to reach the fence surrounding _Supremacy_ region to take a turn, so intuition forces her to take a turn now.

 

But not long after that turn, there are footsteps coming up. Fear puts a halt to her steps. It’s hard to tell the sounds are from one person or more.

 

She covers her mouth trying to be completely silent and still. What if it is Bazine, or Hux or any one of them? What if she is standing by the edge of the cliff now? She can’t see shit. And the footsteps are slowing down, instead of disappearing away.

Somehow she can feel the footsteps are getting closer…

 

Her heartbeats must be so loud that they totally give her location away.

 

The instinct of escape drops in. Rey steps back hastily. The ground become less and less solid.

Oh, it’s definitely near the edge. And whoever hidden out there is still pressing. Oh, no. Rey widens her beautiful eyes the moment her right foot steps on the brim, gasping a small hopeless scream. 

 

Then her left wrist is caught by another hand, pulling her up.

 

Restoring her gravity, the shape of a tall boy with thick wavy dark hair in the murkiness is gravitated to her at the same time.

It’s him. It’s Kylo.

 

He stares at her with a knot in his brows, like always, unpleasant and impatient. She looks up to him, eyes still widen in surprise. Standing closer, he’s way taller than she remembered. The fog seems to fade away a little, like he brought some clarity along. She’s not sure what to say, so she takes a look at the edge to avoid his stare. It is not high, only a ground barely 2 feet above the beach, must be around the end of slope.

“Thank you.” She turns back and says in a voice next to hush.

Kylo doesn’t respond, just moving the muscle of his jaw. He hasn’t let go her wrist, she is still one foot on the edge. 

 

“Kylo! Is it that freak?” Suddenly Bazine’s figure and voice interrupt in, whatever resembling a fleeting tranquility between them broke.

 

“What are you doing?” Her eyes shifting between them, refusing to fall upon Kylo’s hand on Rey’s wrist. “Are you saving her?”

 

A beat of three seconds. 

 

“Why would I?” He has such a low mature voice than other boys in his age.

 

Then the warm grip on her wrist loosens. He lets her go. The misty chills come back. 

 

 

 

Rey’s back hits on the sandy ground the next second. It’s harder than she thought. It hurts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> can't believe there are actual people who really left me with Kudos, THANK YOU!!! Kylo's gonna be really bad to Rey, they're gonna really hate each other throughout the journey.  
> also leave me some comments let me know how you think about this~~


	4. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> she wonders why Kylo doesn’t just out her practice with Flix right there in front of everyone since he’s obviously furious. 
> 
>  
> 
> Why? Is it because I steal the attention of Snoke from you?
> 
> Or you are mad at yourself for worrying about I will jeopardize your status one day?
> 
> Or something else?

People fear death more than they would admit. The fear becomes an instinct. Anything else is a subversion: relief, joy, hope is less fear; suspicion, jealousy is more fear.

Only rage and hatred is beyond fear.

She staggered back on her feet and finished the expected 3 rounds. The numbness she felt the rest of that day had her finally accepted that ‘death or survival’ are the only two choices she’s allowed to have here. A year ago, she was the girl with her parents, experiencing the perfect fearless princess childhood. Now she’s the girl who’s too scared to cry out loud. She screams herself out of sleep sometimes, dreaming that Bazine and Hux strangled her in the forest, all the blood rushing to her brain, the feeling of head exploding is hard to shake off. The worst of all these nightmares is that she can always see that tall dark-hair boy standing by, watching like an outsider, above all this. His indifference and impatience hurt more than any other cruel things.

 

 

They are right, Kylo is a monster that she should hate and fear most.

 

 

However, drowned in fears, she can feel her hatred and fury still. Her childish dream to be an astronaut now is reduced into revenge, which is nourished every second by their pranks, insults and  Kylo ’s loftiness.

She can’t rely on Eila and Tam. Eila is almost as weak as her, Tam is too mysterious to trust. She can’t risk Maz’s safety. She’s on her own in every sense.

 

_ To survive when she’s not strong enough, to revenge when she’s strong enough. _

  

The first couple of times she went to Flix’s, she found  Kylo was there, practicing. She didn’t expect that he needs practice too. Every time she entered the hall he just nonchalantly glanced at her direction, but Rey could feel his glimpses while Flix was mentoring her. He is an enigma to her, confusing her with the same amount of disdain and attention. She hates it, not that she worries he might tell Pyre about Flix, but he simply doesn’t care enough to do it. She is so easily distracted by his presence, that she later only goes to shooting hall when it is least likely to encounter him. Again, she wonders at the same time that if he knows she’s avoiding him.

 

About him, her feelings are always battling within.

 

Anyway, with the help of Flix, her shooting has progressed incredibly. Flix says she simply got the knack of it.

 

“All the other skills are trivial and useless. From now on I want you to remember these 4 things I’m about to tell you by heart, whenever you hold a gun.” Flix said the day he gave Rey a real gun to practice. She could feel those eyes behind his giant goggles piercing into her eyes with significance.

 

“ **First, the gun is always loaded.** ”

 

“ **Second, never point the gun at something you are not prepared to destroy.** ”

 

“ **Third, always be sure of your target and what is behind it.** ”

 

“ **Fourth, keep your finger off the trigger until your sights are on the target.** ”

 

Just like how she should be determined, sharp and cautious in this place.

 

 

 

 

 

In the day time, Pyre continues to afflict her with monotonous posture training, but she takes it as extra practice to hone her shooting skills more. She acts perfectly like the underdog of them all until the day Pyre finally decides she could move on to the next phase, shooting with a real gun. The deft way she picks up the weapon and then fire without a blink makes them agape, except Kylo. The real surprise are the shot outcome. All of her three shots hit within the inner ring, one of them is just slightly outside the bullseye. This girl, short and thin, whose height is way below the aiming line, manages to surprise them all.

 

A moment later they are all startled by the dramatic slow applause coming from the door. It is from a bold mid-aged man with too many golden accessories hanging all over his body, two strong bodyguards standing behind. Fear permeats in the hall rapidly. Rey knows immediately, he is the bad bad, drawing his attention can’t be good.

 

Pyre cries:“Oh, master Snoke! Your presence honors me as always. And this is the new girl, with my trainin-” Snoke raising a hand to shush him.

 

Snoke, the name that Tam couldn’t even bear uttering.

 

Hall sinks back to silence, except the steps of Snoke walking to Rey. She notices in the corner of her eyes that nobody dares to look at Snoke, except Kylo, his eyes follow Snoke and shift to her. No more indifference, he’s tense and angry.

 

Rey’s heart twitches a little.

 

 

 

 

“You are good.” Snoke stops in front of her. Rey marvels at herself for the courage to raise her head to look at him.

 

Nothing misses his eyes, “you know that, how interesting.” Then he turns to Pyre but still asks Rey, “so I should award him for this?”

 

Rey wants to say Pyre could burn in hell, but then she remembers this whole place is already a hellish dungeon, “Yes, Mr. Snoke,” looking at Pyre, “master Pyre helps me a lot.”

 

The redness spreads all over Pyre's face and neck. He disguises his anger and shame with a fake smile, “merely obligation.”

 

For a second Rey thought if she really is good enough, she could have Snoke’s back, no one can harm her. But this’s probably the stupidest idea she has had so far, as she hears, “The rest of you just wait to be bested by her one day? Or you already are?” He knows how to provoke the hatred and jealousy among people, as if she’s been treated too kindly, “I don’t like you parasites drinking my resources for free.”

 

she wonders why Kylo doesn’t just out her practice with Flix right there in front of everyone since he’s obviously furious.

 

_ Why? Is it because I steal the attention of Snoke from you?  _

_ Or you are mad at yourself for worrying about I will jeopardize your status one day? _

_ Or something else? _

 

  

Later they arrive at the forest, no one picks upon her on the way, but it is the predictable peace before a mad storm. They are going to do a real-shooting drill in the forest, everyone has a gun loaded with fake-blood water-bullets, they have a purse fastened on their waist with more ‘ammo’ inside. They’ll do this till the sun goes down. Judging from the sky, three more hours to go.

 

Pyre instructs before they head into the forest, mainly staring at Rey: “you can do one on one, or team up, it’s all on your own, ambush, cover, siege, I don’t care about the strategies, as long as you hit your target.”

 

Eila gives Rey a look,worrying, Hux and Bazine have their malicious grin back, Rey knows this is going to be very bad, and nobody can help her. But maybe her existence can be considered as a rescue to Tam and Eila’s safety at least.

 

The training will begin when the alarm rings. Rey tries to be invisible at the end of group, Bazine follows Kylo into one direction and the other three boys head towards another, Eila wants to wait, but dragged away by Tam before she has a chance to say a word. 

 

Having no idea where is the best location to hide, the time to find a base is too short for her to think this through, when the alarm goes off, she’s on the side of, maybe the lower reaches of a stream. It’s not deep, she can vaguely still see the stony bed and big rocks protruding through the surface, but the current is madly swift and loud. Her hearing is much disadvantaged by the water sounds. If she’s pushed into the it, she’ll be smashed to death on the rocks by the stream.

 

Slowly crossing the stream? Physically impossible. And worse, what if they caught her in the middle of it?

 

But if she got to the other side, the stream will slow them down? But what if they are already on the other side?

 

So Rey decides to stay right where she is, crouching beside a tree. About 10 minutes passed, three birds hiding among the bushes suddenly rocket to sky.

 

They are near. She holds her breath tight, when Neeku called out, “Rey~Rey rey~” like she’s a naughty pet playing hide and seek with her master.

 

“Stop hiding, freak~” that’s Jace. So are they with Hux or just two of them?

 

“Oh, come on~ We are not going to hurt you~,” Neeku continues, and then to someone, “maybe she’s not here.”

 

“I can smell her reek 10 miles away, and I saw her going this way, gotta be around here” It’s Hux.

 

Rey, again, infuriated by these words, she acts faster than her better judgement. She stands up and shoots, but missed. Then she runs like crazy in the rain of water bullets, she got one on her left shoulder, the painful dumbness and red ink spread immediately. But she was stopped by Bazine, who must be drawn to the gunshots and waits her ahead by hiding behind a tree to catch her off guard. One water bullet coming out of Bazine’s gun slaps loudly against the her forehead.

 

 

 

 

Covered by ink, unable to open her eyes, it is a comfort to deny the cruel reality by shutting the sight down temporarily, and also a panic to hear they are all approaching. She is surrounded like a prey. When she reopens her eyes the whole world now seems to be soaked in blood as her sight is veiled with redness.

 

“How far you think you can run from us, bitch.” Bazine pulls one of Rey’s buns to make her look up. Kylo stands few steps behind, wearing the same expression back in the shooting hall. She knew they are not done yet, but now his eyes mixed with something more conflicted.

 

Rey refocuses on Bazine, silently. It’s strange that Rey feels more afraid when she’s on the run. Now she’s plainly together. This upsets Bazine.

 

“I wish,” eyeing the shot spot on her forehead, Bazine adds, “it was a real bullets.”

 

Rey hears herself saying, “only you wish.”

 

Someone, probably Neeku, says ‘Uh-oh, here we go’, to break the silence. Then Rey shrieks so loud that for a second she doesn’t realize it is from herself, as Bazine drags her whole body weight by hairs all along to the river side, and pressed her head into water mouth-opened.

 

Suffocating pains lunge right into her heart and brain, Rey can’t writhe out of Bazine’s grip. Opening her eyes under the water for a second, her brown hair ends dancing with the bubbles around her face.

 

“You think you are funny?” Rey’s whole body straightens up, gasping and coughing desperately. The ink on her face makes the water taste weird. Bazine tries to press her down one more time, but Hux seems to come up with a better game than this. He squints down, examining Rey’s face,

 

“Hux?!” Bazine questioned, she can’t believe he stops this. His eyes are still fixed solely on Rey’s, “I got this.”

 

Rey’s only five, she tries so hard not to show her fears now, but Maz’s face keeps coming to her mind. Who will know and care if she’s dead in the middle of a forest except Maz?

 

“So, freak, now I’m going to give you a chance to do this right,” he says, then he turns to locates Eila and Tam. Obviously, it’s a dead trap. Rey suddenly feels more panic, she doesn’t want Eila and Tam to be dragged down into this mess because of her. Hux gives Jace and Neeku a glance, then two of them go fetch those two little girls. Terrified and obedient, Tam and Eila now stand in front of Rey. It is difficult to look into Tam’s blaming eyes, and Eila’s horrified ones.

 

“Please,” Eila says to them, “we didn’t do anything.”

 

“Oh, it’s not about you, it’s about her, don’t beg me, beg her.” Hux smiles at her.

 

What’s she supposed to do? So she asks, “what do you want me to do?!”

 

“I knew you are eager to be the pain in the ass,” Hux takes his time, “if you want us to admit you are a badass, we’ll make them stand still over there, then you use all your bullets to shoot them down, and apologize to us, and never talk back ever again, do what we say in the future. If you refuse to do both, we’ll throw you into the water instead, how about that?” He arches his left brow and smiles ‘friendly’.

 

“Please, I apologize now, don’t make me-”

 

Her words are cut off by someone’s deep voice, the one Rey remembers automatically…

 

“Do you want me shoot you?” Kylo walks passing Hux without giving him a glimpse, “I haven’t used one bullet today.”

 

“I said throw her into water.” Hux feels insulted. Bazine is definitely irritated. But all of them seem more surprised at the same time. It must be ages since the last time Kylo even bothered to get involved.

 

He stops before Rey. He just stands there, eyeing down, leaving no escape. He is angry.

 

Rey looks up, god she hates how her tears suddenly wells up, all her nerves inside are tangled into a mess. How could she ever shoot those girls and obey them like a dog? The choice she’s going to make and live with doesn’t require much thinking. But what would he do to her? “…Please let them go. I-”

 

He still looks down at her silently.

 

“Please! I… I…Just shoot me! But let them go! Or throw me into water.” She ends up sounding much louder.

 

Kylo raises his head, looking ahead, doesn’t really focus on anything. He takes a deep breath as if the anger is about to explode except he speaks rather calmly, “If you think you are tougher than your words,” he works his jaw slightly and stares back at her, “you are stupid indeed.”

 

Rey can’t process what he said. He continues, “Do it, sooner or later you’ll shoot people with real bullets.” 

 

It is the longest time she dares to look into his eyes since the first night on the way here. He was holding her that night, puzzled and impatient. She was hallucinated that he can be a neighborly brother to her. She has chosen to believe what she wanted to believe about him all the time. This is how disappointment feels like, maybe even worse than disappointment. She’s only five, despair sounds too severe.

  

 

_ Don’t act like you are saving me from this, you want to handle me yourself. _

 

 

Surrounding by current’s deafening sounds, nobody breathes, it’s just Rey and Kylo staring each other, the whole world goes still for a while.

Rey doesn’t even stir, she just closes her eyes, when Kylo pulls and fires without warning in one fluid movement. And she hears him saying, “What makes you think I’m hesitating to shoot you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More comments pls, i don't know where this story is going, but i know i want it to be as angsty as possible!!! Tros got me so starved, tomorrow is D23, let's celebrate!!!


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